Dairy Queen’s Peanut Buster Parfait has far too many calories, but it’ll never get you in trouble like this. 

Police last Friday arrested a south Louisiana woman named Stormy Lynn Parfait after she tried to bond out an inmate with $5,000 in cash that reeked of weed, according to local Fox affiliate WVUE


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Parfait (the defendant, not the dessert) reportedly put the money down and walked out to her car in the parking lot of the Terrebonne Parish Sheriff’s Office where a detective already waited for her.

Inside the vehicle, the officers found exactly $39,868 in cash, 96 Klonopin pills and a food stamp card that did not belong to her. Smart move Stormy Lynn. 

Most of us would leave this stuff at home before going to the police station. Most of us also don’t live on Bon Jovi Boulevard like Parfait.

During a search of the home in Gray Louisiana (again, the street is called Bon Jovi Boulevard!), police found more Klonopin pills, 704 pills of the muscle relaxer Tizanidine, 3.56 ounces of marijuana, 5.61 ounces of cocaine, 25 THC pills, a bottle of Promethazine, digital scales, packing equipment, and $945 in currency.

Together with all the drugs, the cops also found four unattended kids under 17. Unsurprisingly, Parfait has been booked on four counts of illegal use of a controlled drug in the presence of minors under 17-years-old, taking contraband into a correctional institution, and a whole smörgåsbord of assorted crimes.

Oh, and she’s being held without bond, so don’t get any ideas. 

Incidentally, the Terrebonne Parish Sheriff’s Office does allow you to post bond online, which in theory could have prevented this whole thing. 

Food for thought.

So, let’s summarize what we have learned today?

  1. People and places in Louisianna have crazy names
  2. Wash your drug money before using it to bail someone out
  3. For the love of God, leave your decade’s supply of drugs at home