“AK-47. When you absolutely, positively got to kill every motherf***er in the room, accept no substitutes.”
This line from Quentin Tarantino’s Jackie Brown is the only one I remember, and it also sums up the joint or blunt rolling philosophy of no small percentage of potheads: Roll a giant, traffic cone-shaped joint so you can absolutely, positively get every single person in the room high.
But what about when you want a less-lethal joint to leave the house with? What about when you’re not too flush weed-wise, but you still want a nice skinny joint you know won’t leave you wanting less?
A joint-roller is one of the most convenient ways to get perfectly rolled, cigarette-esque joints that you can stuff into a pack of smokes on your way to a festival in a world where festivals and concerts still exist. It’s also a great solution for people who have trouble rolling joints, or perhaps have dexterity issues, or just want to roll up a ton of thin joints in one sitting.
Here’s how you work one of these extremely simple machines.
The typical joint roller will have a wooden, plastic, or metal base that supports two short rolling pins that are attached by a band that runs between them, and which will form the basin where you dump your weed. Separate the two pins and lock them in place open, and you’re ready to get started.
Get a paper and a filter tip
In the year 2020, roaches – the weed kind – are long obsolete. The filter tip or crutch will allow you to smoke all the weed in the joint down to the very end, without burning your fingertips.
If your pack of papers didn’t come with filter boards, then tear off a little piece of hard paper, for instance from a cigarette pack and then twist and roll it into a cylindrical little filter you can place at one end of the open rolling machine.
Grind your weed and dump it
Get a good bit of weed for a nice sized joint, and grind it nicely so it’ll burn well. Dump the weed into the basin of the joint roller up to the filter and spread it evenly. Tamp the weed down a bit with your fingers if it’s heaping over the top.
Close the roller and roll
Once you’ve got your weed set in there, close the roller and give the pins a few rolls to get the weed lined up nicely.
Put a paper in there and start spinning
Take a rolling paper that matches the length of your joint roller and place it between the two rolling pins, with the sticky gum side of the paper facing you. Start rolling the pins towards yourself, and just before the end of the paper, when all you see is the sticky gum, lick it, and then keep rolling giving it a few spins. The joint should now be perfectly sealed and of a uniform size.
Now you have yourself a nice, cigarette size joint that’s perfect for one of those pensive smokes out on the back porch. You’re not gonna get everybody in the room high, but who said you need anybody else in the room to smoke this joint?