Avoiding Nuclear War

Trump likes nothing more than a late-night tweet carefully designed to annoy as many people as possible. Call us crazy but antagonizing potentially trigger-happy dictators like Kim Jong Un over Twitter seems like not the smartest way to go. Especially when those triggers are connected to a nuclear device.

The Volcano vaporizer has been mistaken in the past for a nuclear device due to its brushed stainless steel finish similar to the DeLorean from Back to The Future. It’s big, powerful and has a tendency to blow off, not unlike ‘The Donald’ himself.

But what if Trump invested in a Volcano vaporizer? Would his tweets be about his undying love for pizza and powerful questions on the nature of reality? Would he be asking, “what does water taste like?”. This new approachable President would possibly be open to DM’s about nationwide cannabis legalization or hot new mixtapes.

No More “Build that Wall” Chants

If there is one thing that smoking a bit of green is good for, it’s increasing your love for your fellow man. Once Trump starts getting used to the mind-blowing vapor quality from the Volcano he’ll be more likely to say “Invite the Mexican president over for some of this dope green,” than anything about construction. Also, setting up and preparing a desktop vaporizer like the Volcano is easier than building a thousand mile. They’ll be splitting a big bag of McDonald’s, talking about their shared experience of the barrios, quicker than you can say, “Wait, what?”

Melania Might Be Happier

Melania Trump does not seem like a particularly happy person. Does she? Well, it must be hard when everyone is constantly berating your husband for being a walking catastrophe. Years ago, in interviews, she talked about loving his mind and his passion, but I wonder how she feels now? Maybe if he was super baked he’d be a lot more fun to be around. Plus, with each passing year, he’s more at risk of both Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s. Recent studies suggest that the CBD contained within cannabis could be essential in staving off the effects of brain degeneration. Melania might do well to encourage her husband’s weed love.

He’d Probably Resign

Being the President of the United States offers a lot of things, but ample free time is not one of them. Let’s face it, once you get your hands on the Volcano desktop vaporizer from Storz & Bickel the hours in the day just won’t seem long enough. You could literally while away hours and hours in the sweet embrace of this innovative piece of technology and there’d be no time to shake hands with thuggish leaders of the world or bring in new legislation to harangue the most vulnerable members of society.

Or Mike Pence Would

The Vice President has in the past said that he’d support conversion therapy for gay people. Impeaching Trump, as many people wish to do would leave the United States in this man’s hands. But if Trump were to start engaging in some recreational marijuana use, it’s possible that a Night of the Living Ken-Doll version of reality would never come to pass. He might quit. No more would we have to put up with his passively smug face smiling benignly, over Trump’s shoulder, as he formulates a new hideous injustice. Then Trump could get someone else and they could have cool conversations about which is better, In’n’Out or McDonalds?

Improves Relations Between Trump and Europe

Trump’s recent to Europe was fraught with controversy left and right. Walking in front of the Queen of England, protests at his own golf course and heads of state simply having no time for him. In fact, only Vladimir Putin, perhaps one of the few people in the world who could claim to be crooked-er than Trump got along with him like a country on fire.

Is there no hope? Well, Storz & Bickel are a prodigious German outfit manufacturing the very best in vaping technology. With the Plenty, Crafty and Mighty all filling in their imposing ranks. Perhaps if Trump started showing some love for this flagship of ingenuity from Angela Merkel’s country

He’d Have More Time To Try Out A 6ft Bag Bong

What you can do with vaping technology these days is only limited by your imagination. And Trump has one of the most imaginative imaginations in the imaginating business. Probably. Which means he would probably feel like he was in the company of similar souls were he to meet the two guys on YouTube making a 6ft bag out of the Volcano. Can you IMAGINE what a glorious day that would be if they all did that together? Lives would be changed. The direction of the world would be much more positive for sure.

He Can Definitely Afford It

Unfortunately, there is no such thing as a cheap Volcano vaporizer. But Trump, allegedly, has a lot of money to spare. Or so he’d like to keep telling us. With that in mind, we think it’d be real swell if he spread the love a little. Perhaps in his hometown would be a great place to start, New York City. Now the population of Manhattan is around 1.665 million according to Google and taking Trump’s estimated fortune of 3.1bn. So, he’d most certainly be able to afford one for everyone on the island with a bunch left over.

More Time For Joy

Just look at this guy using a Volcano vaporizer, he is having the most amount of fun. Can you even imagine the last time Donald Trump laughed like this? Probably a long, long time ago. And that is to the detriment of us all. Imagine the string of joyous tweets we’d bear witness to. What would Sean Hannity say?

Press Conferences Would Be Interesting For A Good Reason

Anyone who watched the Helsinki press conference with Putin and Trump knows that it was a total shitshow. But how much more entertaining would it have been if Trump was totally ~blazed~. Or better yet if he spent that mysterious two-hour meeting with Putin beforehand schooling him on the finer workings of the Volcano. What if he said, “No translators. I have all the translators I need right here,” and clutched his Volcano lovingly to his chest in front of the world’s media. And then emerged two hours later with the best deal you’ve ever seen, and it was actually good? How amazing would that have been?